The final countdown!

Omaigodddddd....2 days left for PTM, 1 week left before entering real life of working@@

Even though I m saying Im nervous...But I didnt experience any anxiety symptoms YET!

Certify copies, cleaning up room and packing are enough making my days busy.Few days ago, went for my niece's birthday dinner, happy birthday Felicia! xD

Well, mixed feelings, opinions and feedbacks by people around me about the taboo word "Housemanship".

"Its tiring, exhausting and mentally challenged", they said.I know.

Keep calm & stay positive.Endure hardship to be a safe doctor bah!
I didnt expect much from myself either since I left med school for quite some time....(8 month to be exact) -..-

I just wanna stay low profile and quietly to survive my HOship.Uphold this into my prayer, Amen!

鼓励自己1

五年同班的,可以什么都是,也可以什么都不是。

看过一篇文章,说把爱情和友情,看淡,再淡。

家人会变成最亲近的朋友。
其他人的想法,再也不重要了。

就好比,一千块,把他褶皱,踩在脚下,还是一千块,不是吗??

虽然有时候家人做了自己不喜欢的事,可是家人能保护自己。当自己觉得没有人保护自己的时候。

加油!

就,只是朋友。朋友而已。

你有资格过问吗?

当我开始慢慢不再容易生气,在无可奈何的时候,我惊觉自己。。。变了。以前什么事都追跟就底,现在慢慢会学习咽下不耐烦不公平无奈的事。有些人,不需要对他们解释一切。

是我长大了吗?

有位自称是我朋友的小姐,无缘无故和我拉远距离,看在我无钱无能力的时候离开。现在急着问我在哪里做什么,我想问,你抿自己的良心,你有资格过问我的事情吗?

没看过那么不要脸的。

不过也罢,没告诉所有事情,只是一略带过。也没什么必要和她说。反正不重要。就像当初,我对你不重要。

哈哈。
小孩们,不要那么急着要长大。长大,不好过。我们都被骗了。

重新出发

和其他三个同大学毕业的人一起到一样的医院工作。不熟。五年在一起,未必了解彼此。是喜是悲,不知道。

我只知道,我不想靠别人。靠他们。

突然觉得好寂寞。

好友说真的,真的很不容易。

目前为止, 住的地方要找找。如果拿不到宿舍。
花费,目前为止是没问题了。
只是文件很多要复印,很多要去证实。
银行那边要拿说明书,照片还要再洗洗。
明天还要打电话去问一些问题。

怎么那么多东西要做?

就像他说,你很多时间哦?想那么多干嘛?

好,就不多想了。
别人对我不好,那是他们的选择。
我人格好是我的事。
他们利用了我,我知道我自己可以决定事情。是他们的失败。不是我的损失。

突然记起, 当你被利用,你是否也在利用别人?

反思。

A ray of light

After a stormy rain, finally there's a ray of light shines through.

So many b___s rejected my apply and have to go to nearest and closest person to settle stuffs.Although nt much, still PTL,managed to pull it off :)

So far so good, continue to uphold matters into His hands :)

1.print outs
2.certify print outs
3.my offical cop(redo)
4.medical checkup
5.waiting PTM letter
6.waiting convo photos

Move on...or not?

I'm finally got placement for HOship.
Hosp Kluang it is!
Quite dissapointed that I didnt managed to get my desired hospital.My plan is quite messed up.
But its okay.Readjust my feeling, reset my plan and restart.

Other than settling my personal matter and although ...he didnt say a clear answer for me.But BFF ? Okay :) But I wont wait for u anymore.I want him to be happy.And me too!

Shared the news with people around me, pastors, aunty and some close friends and given some advices by them.Some are positive, some are quite depressing actually.Well, I want to think positive.What does happened is reality but too much worries also wont do me any good favour,right? :)

Hurm...Well personal matter set aside, I have things more important than dat.

Just wonder when will this storm end?
I know soon the rain ends and rainbow will shine.
But now, I just wanna hug myself and cry.I will pick up myself again and putting them into pieces

E-houseman

PTL, finally something good is happening...continue to uphold prayer for my desired hospital xoxo!

I miss you.

It's March 12, and I m still waiting "good news" frm KKM.Well, at least on the website saying that those who received 8 Jan-26 feb SPA offer letter will be enrolled in this e-housemen system. The email will be send to personal mailbox seems to be still in progress -..-

(ehouseman.moh.gov.my)

Well, at the meantime, of course, been bugging by other issue as well.It seems every household will have the troublemaker to give u a headache.Mine? My younger brother.
I ll keep praying for God's love and grace can touch his souls.But It seems he's the one who drifts away? Sad because I m not able to persuade/ convince my family members.

Other than that issue, having break at home too long can drive u crazy.Its like I've been stucked in the memories. My brain , my hippocampus( I assumed) recalls old memories.

I miss one of my batchmate.
I miss one of my classmate.
I miss the time we have studygroup together.
I miss the time when we talk and walk at the beach.
I miss we had lunch and sometimes dinner together.
I miss the time when we went oncall together.
I miss the time I laughed at your new hairstyle.
I miss the time when we joked about each other's appearance.
I miss the time when we fight for stupid little things.
I miss the time when we walk together in a shopping mall.
I miss the time you bought me rilakkum and I have to walk with it in shopping mall.
I miss the time when u worry and called me when Im hurting myself.
I miss the time you caress my hair in front of juniors.
I miss the time when u r hungry and I rushed downstairs n give u food.
I miss the time u pass me panadol & ponstan when i m having headache and menstrual pain.
I miss the time u encourage me when I feel I m dumb.
I miss those times.
Girl friend says, you fall in love with him.But Im clearly knowing that I wanna be your best friend and keep supporting u.

But time goes, we left untalk.U smile so bright since u left and carry on like none of these happen.
I keep quiet and drifting away and was hoping u will have happiness as I gave u too much unhappiness in ur life.

When we had graduation dinner, we never talk. When u walk away n towards the girl u admired n took photo,  I felt I was right.To leave u alone.I m a burden to u.U r happy without a friend like me.

During convocation, u smile like nothing happens.But I cant facing u. With our parents around, I just cant.And I know it will be the end of us. Its better we keep quiet and leave.Cuz I m a burden to u once.

You must be hating me so much.

I wanna say I m sorry.
And I miss you.My friend.

Too young, too dumb to realised I was once, blessed with one good friend.

Fitness diary 2015

Nothing change much for the past february & march --till now.I received my SPA letter finally.

Comes to dissapointment, I m basically have to join e-HO dat will be launch soon.

Tired of waiting.

I starting to workout at the end of January 2015 -- till now, i have bad days and good days :)

Bad days r like eating snack eg ice cream and chips late at night(I remember that particular night).Some sort of mental breakdown.And I've gone through that.Restart my workout like a beast next day.

Of course i have cheat meal sometimes within a month but not often as I done in the past which CHEAT WHOLE DAY! Cheat wholeday is not good ideas u gonna allow urself to have dat mindset "i can eat whatever I want today" and u ended up u ate whole 3,500kcal dat u need basically to lose 1kg (1kg = 3,500kcal)

I workout according to workout schedule I found on internet --12week journey.So now I 'm on my 6th week -lose 7kg by far. I follow that schedule and watch out my diet. To watch out my calories in food, Im using "myfitnesspal" -- eat at least 1200kcal to get my body , organs, cells burn up and increase my BMR...hardly but cant deny it.As u r aging, ur BMR is getting slower.But nvm, slow progress better than no progress right? Hehe :p

I come to understand is its okay to cheat once a while and take a small bite or few chips and dats it.Cuz I trained my mind "I can do it"! Kinda like brainwash XD

And yeah!!! I m finally go down to 7kg by far.Wish me luck and all the best to keep going! :) :) :)

Next time will share more bout my fitness journey!

CNY

Aisehh...cny came today.Wohoo...plenty of mandarin orange brought by little bro given free frm his office hahaha XD

gonna munch dat

Other than dat, lurve bak gua SO MUCHIE ... Wished I could have some tomorrow

The funny thing is : my juniors still thought i'm a chinese n celebrating cny...-.- i dont blame them.just awkward XD

Frustrated,dissapointed or enlightment?

When getting to know my batch is also involved in ,so called " e-HO" which gonna launch in march, I hate it.I m upset.I m dissapointed. I think whole of my life - always been involved any revolution of political changes eg english for math & science , first batch of UniSZA and now...first experimental element in this e -HO.

Well good thing is I can reconsider my choices of hospital.Maybe God dont want me to go those i applied?@.@
HAHA, funny (or not -.-)

But I've waited for so LONG, 6 month period. And at the same time, who grads frm overseas or private uni managed to get job before me.I m really unsatisfied with this.

I hate those studies overseas and come back to fight a place with local students.I seriously HATE YOU. Whoever read this & get offended --up to u? I dont care, I just hate u

Now what's left for me is this thingy. I really need to get into latest intake. No matter what.

Meanwhile, refreshing knowledge. Since skills all gone. After 6 month.

Grown-ups

Part of growing up.

I feel so lonely.Empty. Most of those same batches with me...already working for 6 month?

I'm still here....sigh.

Some people cant just keep quiet and asking where I get posted.I fed up.I wished I could smash cake on their face.

Im thankful for being concern ut since u knew since the last time I told, dont ask again okay? *pinky finger*

=.=

I will announce when I get posted , like POSTING EVERY SOCIAL MEDIA ....

Happy Valentine :)

Well, congrats myself - Happy Single Valentine's day! ^_^ (hoooraaaayyy!)

I wrote a letter to myself and decided to keep it in my box.Some day I read it again :)

(In Mandarin though, so I decided to share this letter with someone else out there, you're not alone.I've been hurt too.I'm not strong as I look)

Years  back, I cried.
I cried terribly bad.
The painful moment in my life.Quarter of my life.Painful , ones of them.
Years back , I sweared I never fall in love again.
His name is just like a tattoo , it was planted in deepest in my mind.I remember.Always.
Difference make us apart.
I forgot how long I've  been crying for the same reason and the same person.It's like the broken "rewind" button , keep replaying in my head , in my life.
I keep pushing the limits, I study hard and study occupying my head so I can forget him momentarily.Just a moment.
because I fear of "not eing good enough". For some people.
Few years later , he knew from friend of us he was the blame. "Sorry" , he said.Indirectly.
As if  "sorry" could make things together back in pieces, make broken me put into one piece.Never.
I ain't good enough , I m weak as I'm just normal human being .I can't forgive him. I never will.

Some time, I learnt one thing from this incredibly genius flirtatious bastard. He gives the word -- magical. "Slap" me , awakens me from the dark dream. We can't. We can't be together.We are not for each other.
I admit , I used to check out his facebook.Twice.Including yesterday -- thrice. I used to be getting hurt afterwards. Now(yesterday) 3.20am 13/2/2015 --The last time I visit his page.Nothing.Happy? Sadness?Angry?Grumpy? No more.
The feeling of winning? Yes. I'm a doctor.He is just a car salesman.He used to stab my pride.torn into pieces.Now? I won. Girlfriend? Ain't hot or pretty as well.(Well I m a human being, Im just saying what I want.)

but, I regret. Im totally regretful. I let go of many chances.I ruin the hands wanna hold mine.10 years.I feel I wanna slap myself if I could rewind the time.
I used to say to dat genius bastard , " I wanna stand in front of him and say "I win , u lose." ut now I dont feel like to do it anymore.Cuz I know, for so long, he is already LOSING ME.

See no more, nicholas eng jun xiang.

I wish myself and all the single ladies will find their true happiness soon :) xoxo

*baked myself a high calorie dinner for tonight - pizza wrap*

Happy birthday dad!

Wished I could buy an expensive gift to him.But i have not much left before HOship....stress.
Happy birthday, dad!

Tasting and testing patience

It's hopeless to work this month.I'm upset.VERY upset.
Well, I have work harder to polish my examinations.Console myself.Try to believe that.

Weight Issue

Getting news from batchmates in KT, one of HO dat some of us knew him passed away few days ago due to (possibly) hypertensive crisis.

Ugh, I'm scared too.

Dat's one of my determination in 2015.I just wanna get healthier, if I cant do dat, how I suppose to advice my patients? Be a good example !!

52 week Money Challenge

One of my new year resolution is : SPEND WISELY & SAVE MONEY

Cuz I have a bad habit of spending money :(
So let's start saving! ^^

Piggy bank now : RM 10 >//<

How I m gonna spend it at the end of the year? I shall take some time to think out it later :) Something meaningful~

Post-SPA Interview

Hi hi~

Fyi, I went for SPA iv for UD41 few days ago. And it went smoothly ^_^
Although I was a lil nervous back then, hahaha :p

Ok, so my iv location was at PJ d SPA building itself, so I went there one day before just to check out d place and of course "eating wind" xD

I aint familiar with PJ so I decided to download apps "waze" to help me to get there! I deleted my "papago" cuz it was too big file and I dont understand d instructions.I think waze did much better job though.

*Jang jang* -->SPA

 Playin' around b4 heading back for a rest XD

 After checked out d place, I looked for hotel to stay since my relatives is staying quite far frm pj, so I choosed to stay at "M design hotel" , 15mins away from PJ. Price is reasonable and free for breakfast.Unlimited drinks in cafe & super fast wifi :) There's many hotels availables with wide price range so dont worry for not getting place to stay for ppl like me. If u r nt sure, try check out on booking.com

Ok, I woke up on 6am and get ready myself.Managed to grab my breakfast in hotel and left for iv.Around 45 min, i left d hotel and d traffic jam takes around 5 minute to go on highway.

Arrived there , first person I saw is my bff ,Ms. F!!!

Hahahaha~First hug , 7  in the morning LOL

So heading to guard and was informed can come later after breakfast , ut I already ate. So I accompany her to go for cafe for some food. Met some of batchmates in cafe (hurm, one tip u wanna search for my batchmates? Go a place with FOOD , sure they'll be there LOL)

Arrived floor 9 ( if not mistaken) , I thought I ll meeting other future drs as well  but dissapointly.There's NONE. Only some people ,other job appliants @.@

Different from what I heard/ read online. YES, again , UniSZA makes the first move. The only atch have interview alone for UD41.

Of course , while waiting , we do what we have to do : SELFIE & WE-FIE ,hahahaha

So we were sitting separately from other jo appliants.And there was a female officer came and introduced herself to us then to prepare what should have. ** As I mentioned 

in http://rnrforme.blogspot.com/2015/01/getting-ready-for-interview-p.html

For those who grad overseases please refer or call SPA for what documents should be prepare as  there's some differences.

 There's 28 of us went for IV and 1 SPA officer , Mr Mustaffa & 1 Dr (Idk his name) and another 1 officer as observer during interview from KKM. We were put intro group of 5 and went in in group. During the session takes aout 15-20 min per group. SPA offer , Mr. Mustaffa is friendly even before the interview and had chit chat with us XD :Just sit back & chilax" He said.

We were asked to introduce ourselves in bM y SPA officer. Then one by one was asked medical cases.

So there's a list compiled for questions asked during IV : 

Group 1

Rasanye soalan dia someone come with prolong fever with features of obstructive jaundice (pale color stool, tea color urine)

1- obstructive jaundice

- DDX?

-causes of obstructive jaundice (Extramural, mural,  intramural)

- physical examination findings ( + in pt with liver cirrhosis/ CLD )

- investigations

2- Trauma/emergency

Pt come with gcs 5/15

- what to do?

- A,B,C

- if head trauma the pupil will dilate or constrict

Group 2

a) HPT - How to ddx, medication

b) DM - How to Dx, type of OHA

c) Dengue fever - How to dx, how to manage.

Group 3

a) gcs 5..how to manage..ddx

b) mx of a anaphylatic shock

c) mx of dfu

d) mx of chest pain

e) mx of dengue fever

Group 4

- mx of pph

-, wat to do adult pt come with choking

-causes of prolong fever

 -causes of prolong fever,

- mx of ccf

Group 5

a)Appendicitis - bg situation, physical examination, management 

b) Placenta problem in obs - placenta previa, accreta

C) complication n management of placenta accreta

D) why we need to caeserean placenta previa type 3

E)How u manage PPH

Group 6

-mx of febrile fit

-Mx of MI

I'm in 4th group , not so nervous la. How they arrange us? According to age.I'm Nov baby , so I were put into according to my age.The session ends with lil chit chat with all officers.So don't worry, it's all bread & butter topics.

after group photo,I left SPA office and went to KKM and summit my borang lapor diri (bmd). I dont wanna think too much.If God really wanna send me to the place I should be,I'll be there :)

And of course, I got lost again in KKM office -..- Lucky enough , I met 2 Indian HOs just finished their HOship and came for their MOship application. Chit chat a lil and hands over my letter.Said goodbye to them and I left PJ on the day as my ro having interview on the evening.Phewwww, what a rush! 

Whatever happens afterward , just e ready for adventurous journey! XD

Getting ready for interview! :p

Baju Kurung for interview /
Shoe /
Certificates /
Laptop (emergency docs) /
KKM letter /
Teddy and blanket / (LOL)

I'm ready to go!

Dats my checklist before going SPA interview :)

This time, dad and bro come along with me to go PJ for interview.As my "kaki sesat" habit known by people who knows me @.@ Well, I dont know whose house for me to stay over 1 night so I ll just go with them and staying at hotel nearby SPA building~

These are some lists I've been compiled from other sites which may help in preparation interview of SPA  for UD41 Pegawai Perubatan :

1.Malaysian cabinet
2.Agung 's name
3.KKM infosihat - what is KKM , motto, nilai2 teras, visi, misi , logo and its meaning, DG, Minister and Vice minister
4.SPA -chairman, vice , visi , misi
5.1Malaysia concept & Klinik 1Malaysia -logo, meaning, structure
6. Non communicable health diseases in MAlaysia
7.Communicable diseases in Malaysia
8.PMs (frm first to the current PM)
9.CPGs - TB, HPT, DM ( totally bread n butter)

So far dat's a list from my reading for past few days ^_^

Certificates to bring ( credit to my batchmate Arifah) :

1. 2 set Resume with a passport photo on front page of ur resume
- prepare few more photos cuz gonna fill up some form when arrived at SPA , some says
-1 set for SPA
-1set for KKM maybe?
2. 1 x Ic
3. 1x srt beranak
4. 1x sijil spm
5. 1xDegree cert
6. 1xTranskrip result
7. 1xsijil pendaftaran sementara mmc
8. 1xSlip spa 2 salinan *
9. Sijil - sijil (asal shj) * - ur previous club activities/programme u joined in school/college/uni

All documents : 1 ori + 1 photocopy and photocpy must be CERTIFIED!! 

except those *

I added my upsr + pmr result (ori and copy certified) as well. Not sure it will be needed or not.Just standby.

Well, that's all for today's post.Will be update it soon I finish the IV, wish me luck! Xoxo

Unlock 2015 : 365 days, 365 chapters of life

365 days , 365 chapters of life.Write a good one , when u can.

-------------------------------

It's already 11 days gone in year 2015. Finally one good news in this month : got the date for my SPA interview!!! Praise the Lord and bless Prof T dat being helpful to contacted his friend( some saying) ...

Maybe it sound unfair but still me and batchmates waited too LONGGGGGG for this.It's already 4 month rotten at home and growing mushroom on my head ady LOL I barely recalled and I need to drill my brain extra effort to restart the engine again -..-

I had my convocation last December , on 6.Thanks to studygroup mate, ms.F took my MMC letter for me.Although the posmen mispost my letter and ended up I have to send my KKM letter by myself after the interview later on (which is next week!!)

I left 2 days more before sending letter to KKM...Im not sure what holds me back to send and fill up the section "hospital u choose for HOship"...but I have been thinking about it's my last chance to get far away from family.

Dont get me wrong @.@ I do love my family.Some blogposts may some are negatives  but I still love them. Financial constraint does disturb a bit , but still things changed.

When getting to know you are the cause of your parents suffering and my brother still hesitates to further study, the heavy burden is on your shoulder and feel responsible bout it.Its not like Im in poverty but somehow, I want to relieve the burden on their shoulders.

But why away from family? I wanna be financially independant, I wanna stand on my own foot, I wanna move forward, I dont want protection under wings of parents.(idiot! HAHAHA XD)

2015, I'm 25 (actually I just had my birthday last 2 month :p)

It's a 1/4 of century already.

My resolutions for this year are :

1.Pray for world peace
2.Stay healthy &safe
3.Be a good doctor for service & for community
4.Saving money habit & spend wisely
5.Do more charity
6.Keep lose weight -lose 5kg ady XD
7.Complete reading bible
8.Found dat person makes me "boom clap" XD
9.Join church activities/do motivational activities
11.Less drinking - I usually drink only occasions : Christmas and Gawai.
12.Travelling to a lot of places
13.Continue the reading habit
14.Be a better person

Something changed on my usual resolution list : from studying --> working and finally I unlock my heart as well :)

To someone who's gonna be owner of my heart, please take good care of it :)

2015

Memories of 2014 : Locked.

Either it's beautiful  ones...or ugly ones.

I'm blessed with kind people around me.My church friends, my ex roomates etc...loved by them, it's my pleasure :)

Done my Professional exam 2,  on mid  august 2014.Stayed over for one week plus and I left the place, the place makes me love-hate.

Rotting at home , besides eating, sleeping , reading...I do nothing.I work part time in pharmacy and revise medications as well.I quickly get bored with that LOL...seriously meeting people and prescribing medicine in pharmacy is boring @.@

So many people chooses to see pharmacist first than doctors.....why is that so?

Do "Doctor" word sounds scary? Like Death Lord putting death sentence if someone just getting a simple fever? We, I mean , me, I dont like either.Maybe some doctors I met so far, their approach kinda...inhuman?

I ll try my best to be a good dr.